“What if I want to leave you?”
I couldn’t have heard that right.
“What did you say?” I asked, hiding the fear in my voice.
“I said,” he replied, pulling his shirt fully off and clipping each syllable to make it more audible than the nearby din.
“What. If. I. Want. To. Leave. Before. You.”
Well that was a relief… My brain had been playing tricks on me all night. We had barely made it out of the house without fighting, and after waiting two hours to get inside all I wanted was a drink. Taking my clothes off at coat check is not where I wanted to rehash all our rules.
“Then we’ll see each other at home.”
Like we already agreed, I thought to myself. No need to start another argument. This was our first time at a party together since the break-up, and the rules were still new.
“So I should get my own bag then?”
“Oh yeah, I need this big one just for me.”
Florian started to say something, but thought against it. Of all the potential minefields tonight, saving the euro fifty to check our clothes in the same bag wasn’t worth the hassle of having to find me when he wanted to go.
I watched him turn to fight his way to the coat check table for a second time, and my eyes lingered on his back muscles. Unlike me, he still went to the gym, and as he strode confidently through the crowd, the revelers around him stopped to stare too. His new fans would be disappointed as soon as they realized the perfect bubble butt refused to wear a jockstrap.
Florian came back with another small bag, and I finished stuffing my coat, sweatshirt, jeans and sneakers into the large one I had taken for myself. From my backpack I took out the harness, cuffs, jock and boots that would replace them for the evening. We tied up the bags and went downstairs to get our stamps. I thought of popping into the toilet, but remembered the mermaid was supposed to be starting.
“And what about Kobe?”
Florian was focused on the rules again.
“What about him?”
“You know what I mean. What if he’s here?”
“Already looking for your mistress?”
“Stop calling him that. Are you going to be ok if you see him?”
I didn’t really know the answer to that question. Florian’s affair with Kobe had been a secret until Kobe himself had told me all about it breaking our one and only rule: don’t ask, don’t tell. Staying together after that had resulted in the new list of rules we were trying out tonight.
“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna go Jerry Springer on his ass.”
Another cultural reference lost on the German boyfriend.
“A US show about love triangles… Never mind.”
“Can we please get past this? Just for tonight?”
He was right. The party was all around us and the night had just begun.
“Just let me get a drink and I’ll come find you. Cool?”
Florian shrugged and walked down the hall towards the techno floor. I turned left to approach the bar. Off on the side a small group watched a video projection of a man with a beard rubbing his cock against a brick wall while watching two guys fuck on a construction site.
“There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you!”
Brian bounded over to greet me with an enthusiastic grin.
“Yeah, sorry, it took us forever to get in.”
“Have you taken anything?”
“No, just got here.”
“Do you want to take anything?”
Brian’s grin got even bigger. He had come late to drugs, but now that he was taking them he was their biggest fan.
“Not sure yet. I kind of want to explore first.”
“You mean you want to find the mermaid first.”
“How do you know I’m looking for a mermaid?”
“Because he’s FANTASTIC. I’m only here to get another beer. His pool is really filling up.”
“Nice. Take me there?”
Brian led me back into the hallway and down a small passage until we came to an alcove where I saw three men standing around an inflatable pool shoulder-distance apart. We took our places next to them and watched as they flicked their semi-hard dicks to make the yellow streams cascade down in bigger and bigger arches. Inside, a twink wearing a mermaid tall splashed around the pool that was already half full.
“Do I have to ask first?”
“He’ll decide if he wants it or not.”
Brian already had his cock out and started peeing into the pool. The mermaid’s eyes grew large and he arched his back to take the stream straight down his throat. I started to get hard and timidly opened the zip on my jockstrap to add my stream to his. The mermaid nodded his head and positioned himself between us to let the piss spill out of his mouth and into the pool. When we finished the mermaid laid back down and ran his hands over his lithe body as he waited for more.
“Should we go to the toilets now?”
With his bladder empty, Brian was back to thinking about drugs.
“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea tonight. What if he’s here?”
“Oh, he is. I thought you already knew.”
“Why are you only telling me this now?”
“Because everyone needs to grow up. Here take this.”
Brian had helped me through more than one crisis in my life, but his advice tonight was a little off. I didn’t want to be high when I saw the person my boyfriend cheated on me with. Brian saw me hesitate, but continued.
“Not all of it, just a quarter. If you see him when it’s just starting to kick in at least you won’t be violent.”
That’s actually really good advice, I thought.
“Alright, but watch me. If you see me start to lose it please get me out of here.”
“Why do you think he told you about it?”
“I don’t know. Once he started telling me everything he couldn’t stop. He probably felt guilty or something.”
“But Kobe didn’t break any of your rules. Are you sure he wasn’t trying to be your friend?”
Fucking Brian. Always looking at things both ways.
“Well, whatever he wanted doesn’t matter now. Florian and I are trying to be open, but there are limits now and sleeping with friends is definitely one of them.”
Brian carefully bit the pill between his fingers – once, then twice – and gave me a quarter.
“Is it strong?”
“It’s called The Punisher. A quarter is all you need.”
“Now you’re going into the darkroom and not coming out until you’ve evened the score with Flo.”
Brian led me away and like a proud parent dropping their child off at school nudged me into the dark.
“If you need me I’ll be with the mermaid!”
I entered and let my eyes adjust to the dark.
All around me people were sucking and fucking, but I wasn’t feeling super sexual.
Until I saw him. Gorgeous brown hair wearing a Roman soldier harness and skirt. He smiled at me and I walked over. His hands reached around my waist and I opened my front zip for him to pull my dick out and start sucking on it. I tapped away the hands that started to stroke my chest from the side and held his head between both hands. As I fucked his mouth I grew harder and harder until he got up and turned around.
“Kondom?” I whispered.
He pulled a condom out of his boot and handed it to me, but the pill was starting to kick in and I couldn’t get it open. After fumbling some more I lost my erection and he lost interest. Feeling my shame between my legs I escaped from the darkroom and went looking for the toilets to wash up.
Fuck. Kobe. The last person I wanted to see.
“We should talk.”
“Come in here.”
Without waiting for me to answer, Kobe grabbed me and pushed me into the nearest stall.
“What’s your agreement?”
“Your agreement. You know, like, your arrangement.”
The nerve of…
“What are your rules?”
… this bitch.
“You’re asking me now? After you’ve already fucked? Don’t you think it’s a little late for that?”
“Yes, but I want to be upfront with you. How do we make this work?”
“We don’t. Just stop.”
“Can’t do that.”
“Not even if I ask you?”
“Not even if I beg.”
“Not a chance.”
I can’t believe I’m dealing with this shit.
“Please stop fucking my boyfriend.”
“But he’s my boyfriend.”
“Well now he’s my lover.”
“But I found him first.”
“Yes, that’s true.”
“And you’re my friend.”
“That’s why I wanted to ask about the rules.”
“Stop asking about the rules. And stop sleeping with my boyfriend.”
“Have you talked to him about it?”
“No. What he wants has nothing to do with this.”
“And what about what I want?”
This. Mutha. Fucka.
“What you want doesn’t really matter to me right now. Sorry. ”
“Well, now you’re just being selfish.”
“Who’s that boy you’re sleeping with?”
“Leave him out of this.”
“Oh, you’re just going to pretend like you aren’t sleeping with someone else?”
“No it’s not. You’re just being selfish.”
“And a hypocrite.”
“Alright, since you want to know so much about our arrangement, it’s don’t-ask-don’t-tell.”
“That doesn’t seem very healthy.”
“Stay out of my business!”
“But I’m your friend.”
You were, hoe!
“And now you’re his mistress.”
“Mistress. I like that.”
“I meant were. You were his mistress, but now you’re going to stop.”
“We’re all grown men. I don’t see why this is such a problem for you.”
“He’s my boyfriend!”
“And? Do you want to sleep with mine?”
“Sleep with my boyfriend Mark. I think you’d enjoy it.”
“I don’t think that’s…”
“Come on! It’ll bring us all closer together!”
“Yeah, the four of us. And your new boo.”
“I don’t have a boo.”
“Ok fine, your new mistress.”
“He’s not my mistress!”
“Then what is he?”
“None of your business.”
“Don’t be so dramatic.”
“I’m not being dramatic. You slept with my boyfriend. I can’t trust you anymore.”
“But I told you about it.”
“Yes, and it’s weird. So now I’m going to go.”
“He said you’d react like this.”
“Florian. He said you wouldn’t be up for it.”
“Up for what?”
“You two with me and Mark. I only slept with Flo to see if we were sexually compatible. And that man of yours –” I watched Kobe get lost in thoughts and knew he was thinking of putting his fingers up Florian’s ass.
“This could all be so much easier.”
“Not really. The moment you and Flo fucked you made it complicated.”
“No, you’re making it complicated right now.”
“How did you–”
I can read your thoughts, Joseph. I know what you want.
It’s written all over your face. And I’m not a bitch or a skank or a hoe.
“I didn’t say those things.”
You thought them. But it’s ok. I know this is all new for you.
“Can you please get out of my head?”
“It’s ok. I know all of this is new for you?”
“How can you read my mind?”
You took The Punisher, didn’t you?
“Only a quarter.”
Kobe grasped my right hand and made me feel the bulge in his shorts.
“But I’m –”
Monogamish, I know. What happens here stays between us.
Kobe kept his right hand on mine and pulled his shorts down with his left. I bent over and opened my mouth wide to lick the head of his circumcised cock. Kobe placed his hands around my head and started thrusting himself deeper into my mouth as someone outside impatiently banged on the door. Kobe gave one last thrust into my throat and pulled himself out as I caught my breath. I stood there staring at him wondering what happens next.
“Come find me on the dancefloor. I’ll be with Mark.”
Kobe pulled his shorts back up, opened the latch on the door, and slipped outside. I peed in silence, flushed, and opened the door. Brian stood there staring at me.
“Feeling anything yet?”
“Where did you get those pills from?”
“From Kobe. You ready to dance?”
Brian led me out of the toilets, downstairs that extended forever, and onto the techno floor. In front of the DJ booth a woman wearing a corset and nothing beneath reached her hand back and between her legs to grab the cock of the man standing behind her. She eased him into her as she arched her back and bent forward.
From a short distance, I saw Florian approaching. I stayed there dancing and waited for him to get closer.
“Enjoying yourself?” He asked, as he handed me an open bottle of water.
“Thanks,” I murmured and raised the bottle to my mouth. Finishing the water with ravenous gulps, I handed it back to him and for the first time all night forgot that we were fighting. “I needed that.”