It was a cold dark night. The loneliness just seemed to go on forever. I grew bitter and my patience wore thin as I lay on my bed. It was like everything and everyone in the world was just a shadow of the past. Not the bright reflections of myself I used to see. I felt twice my age and nothing more than an empty lifeless shell that was once alive and well.

I was in mourning. Yet there was no body nor casket. No trauma or tragedy. I was simply mourning my youth. That young fearless woman I once was, no longer there. Just a barren and beaten soul that never got the chance to do anything but survive in the world.

I got up and turned on the small lamp by my bedroom window. I couldn’t bear to see my world in anything brighter than 20 watts. I lazily waddled to the mirror and looked up slowly.

“Jesus, what have you done to yourself?” I muttered in disgust.

I leaned in and pulled the skin from my cheeks. Lifting and lowering my head to force myself to see these drastic changes in my appearance. I straightened my back again and lifted my shirt. I turned to the side, then looked in the mirror again, shaking my head in disappointment. A massive excess bulge had taken over the area where my lean muscular abs used to be.

I put my shirt back down and plopped back on the bed. My arms and legs spread like an exhausted starfish. My breath got shallow from my chin being mushed to my chest. I looked up at the ceiling fan woefully, watching the spin blur as my eyes welled up with tears. I was so disappointed. Appalled and annoyed with myself. I can’t believe I let myself get so unhealthy.

It was definitely time for a change. In my mind, I still saw what my body used to look like and what it was supposed to feel like. There had to be a way to get myself back. My choices were slim. I either try or die. Just as that small glimmer of hope arose in my breast, my phone chimed.

I didn’t get up, but just looked slowly to the side. It sounded like an email notification. Nothing important enough for me to get off the bed. I closed my eyes. Then, I heard my phone again. This time with triple beeps and a vibration. It sounded excited… a hell of a lot more excited than I was to pick it up.

“Fine. Ass. You win.” I said grumpily.

I rolled to my side and suddenly, the weight of my massive arms rolled me further until I crashed face down on the floor. I lay there a while. Surprisingly not as upset as I thought I would be. More amused than anything.

“That’s what you get, fat ass.” I grumbled to myself.

After a few minutes of struggle, I finally got on my feet. I picked up my phone and saw dozens of notifications from this writing platform I used sometimes. I haven’t turned anything in for months but I noticed a new follower who was reading every single piece I had.

“Alana Carter started following you,” I read aloud, “Alana has commented on 5 of your stories. Alana sent you a private message…”

My eyes widened when I saw her picture. She was beautiful! Not in an Instagram-model-type of way, but a classic beauty. The features of a starlet. One of those girls who’s probably been fit all her life and doesn’t wear makeup.

I read quite a few of her comments and it made me smile. She wasn’t afraid to be flirtatious. Even from afar, I could feel her admiration for me. Well, at least for my writing alias; who, in all honesty, was much cooler than I was in real life. She even left her phone number in a private message, which made me excited. But I was also reluctant and nervous to contact her back.

I played it all out in my head. What if I do call her. She and I become friends, possibly more. We get to the picture exchange, then boom! Disappointment. I would suffer alone in the end.

Then, I came across a specific part of the message that made me change my mind. She mentioned something about the definition of change. How we all have the ability to be reborn. It was a spark of enlightenment she got from my piece, and in turn, shined upon me.

At that moment, I felt it. I mean, really felt it. This peace I haven’t had in a long while. That profound moment of clarity. If I didn’t like what I saw…I could change it. Then, I did something I haven’t done in a very long time. I went to the wall, flipped the switch, and turned the lights on in my room at the brightest capacity. It was almost blinding.

“Oh wow, I need to clean this place. It’s disgusting!”

Now that the lights were on, I could see all the dust and dirt accumulated in every part of the floor. The entire house was a mess. I gathered some cleaning material and got to work. It took all day, but I didn’t stop until every corner was spotless. I even did the stand with my arms folded proudly like the Mr. Clean commercial.

Next on the agenda was me. I needed to clean myself in the same thorough manner as my house. I peeled off my sweaty clothes and neatly put them in the laundry bin. It felt good to be out of them. I looked down at my stomach again and poked at it. I wish I could take this layer off, too. That’s what it felt like to be overweight. Like a thick layer of clothing you just couldn’t take off.

The shower felt soothing at least. I cleaned every part of myself from head to toe until I was satisfied. I don’t think I’ve ever been this thorough. I even shaved and put on some lotion, which I haven’t done in a while. It took forever, reaching between my legs and spreading out my flesh to get every curve. I was sweating all over again and had to rinse that off before leaving the bathroom. By the time I was done, I was exhausted. That feeling of disappointment blanketed over me again. I couldn’t believe I let myself get like this.

I made an appointment to see my local doctor and said it was urgent. They had an opening that very afternoon. I got dressed and left as soon as I could. It was packed when I got there. The air from the midsummer heat had me drenched in sweat, just walking from the parking lot to the front office.

I checked in and sat next to this couple. They didn’t hesitate to scoot over to the next few seats away from me to make room. I just sat there facing away until I was called up. I couldn’t wait!

“Ms. Abad?” the receptionist said, ”The doctor will see you now. I will just need your vitals.”

I nodded and went inside.

“Step on the scale, please.”

That dreaded statement. I shut my eyes in fear as I stepped up on the little white square.

“192, okay. Please sit and let me take your blood pressure.”

192? Oh no! I’ve really gone overboard. I don’t think I’ve ever heard that number that high. I felt my heart race as the nurse squeezed the pump.

“156 over 77. Pulse…114? That’s very high,” she said concernedly.

“You got me at 192,” I replied.

“You should be more concerned about the 156,” she said with a half smile.

The doctor walked in shortly after. She was just about my size, which sort of made me feel better.

“What brings you in today?” she smiled.

“I would like to lose weight,” I said, “I am so uncomfortable with myself.”

“I see,” she replied. “No problem. Let’s take a look at you first. See if you are fit enough for strenuous activity.”

“I have to be fit to get fit?” I asked.

“Well, in a way, yes. You don’t want to hurt yourself.”

“I think a little pain will do me good,” I laughed.

The doctor looked at me sternly. “No, that’s the last thing you should do. Your body is suffering enough as it is. Your blood pressure is much too high for someone your age. I will give you some medication for that, but you must change your diet before plunging into some activity that may harm your body further.”

She pulled out a large tablet from her desk and handed it to me. “Here, take this quiz. It will help figure out which body type you have and see what diet and exercise regimen to assign you.”

“Oh okay, thank you!”

“I’ll be back to check on you in a little while,” she smiled.

I answered every question as honestly as I could and was surprised with the results. I was just reading the last paragraph when my doctor came back.

“All finished?”

I nodded and handed her the tablet. She thumbed through it for a moment and looked up at me. “Surprised?” She smiled.

“Very! This thing is telling me to eat more protein and carbs twice a week.” I replied.

“Well, our bodies have a certain regimen of their own. What we think we need is sometimes not the case,” she said. “You were only given one body. You have to learn about it and take care of it.”

I nodded in agreement as she spoke. She was absolutely right! I need to be nicer to myself.

“I also recommend you eat more foods with probiotics. Yogurts, shakes, whatever you prefer. It will balance your digestion.”

“Okay, thank you! I will do that.”

“I want to see you back in 2 weeks. If you have any complications sooner than that, please don’t hesitate to come in.”

I walked out of her office with a little more pep in my step. What she told me really sunk in. Especially the part about being unkind to my body. Just then, I got another message from Alana.

“Please give me a chance,” it read, “I really want to get to know you….”
My heart fluttered in excitement when I read those words. And now, I had an extra incentive to get healthy. This beautiful creature wants to know me. Me?! Of all people. I couldn’t bear to disappoint her.

I scrolled up to the previous message and carefully pressed her phone number to call her. I felt my chest sink as it rang.

“Hello?” a soft voice answered.

“Hi Alana, it’s Kat. Is that you?”

“Yes, oh my god! You finally called! I’m so happy to hear your voice.”

“I am too,” I smiled, “I’m sorry it took so long. I was just leaving the doctor’s office.”

“Oh no, are you okay?” She asked concerned.

“Yes, I’m fine. I’m just trying to get healthy. My lady doctor told me I needed more meat in my life.”

We both laughed lightheartedly and started talking about anything and everything we could think of. It was one of those conversations that you have with your best friend. It was also new and exciting. I learned that she was a professor for women’s studies and lived just one state over. Not as far as I thought. From her profile, I would have guessed she was in California, but she was in northern Virginia, which is only a 4 hour drive from where I am.

That also made me nervous. Just from our conversation, I know she will ask to meet me in person. Her tone was so sultry. There was sexual magnetism between us like no other. It was also terrifying. My growing fear was that she’d take one look at me and run away in disgust. I had to look my best before I met her in person.

The next few weeks, I followed my diet regimen carefully. It was strangely backwards. It was instructing me to have dinner items for breakfast and breakfast items for dinner with small snacks for lunch. It was the first time I ate steak and seafood in the morning and oatmeal with fruit at night. I thought the blood pressure medicine would make me tired, but I actually felt more energized.

I used my house chores as my daily exercise. I kept my place nice and neat to the point where I didn’t feel comfortable wearing shoes inside anymore. I’ve never seen this place look this nice since I moved in. Every day that went by, I saw the pounds melt away. For the first time in a long time, I felt beautiful.

I also spoke to Alana almost every day. She and I became very fast friends. I finally felt comfortable enough to tell her about my weight loss journey and she was so supportive. She even gave me some really nice tips on how to keep it off.

Almost every night, our talks became more intimate. There would even be times we would play with each other on the phone, no matter where I am. The tension between us rose rapidly until I could barely stand another day without hearing her sexy voice coming on the phone.

It was time to see my doctor again. I was thrilled to see my results. The same nurse that saw me a few weeks ago even told me I look much better. When I stepped on that scale, I almost cried.

“165,” the nurse smiled, “a significant change.”
“Blood pressure is 129 over 70. Pulse 82. Much better!” She continued.

Just then, my doctor came in and smiled approvingly when she saw me.

“I can’t believe it only took a few weeks to get this much results,” I said ecstatically, “It’s amazing!”

“You are doing much better,” she said. “If you keep this up, you will be able to go back to the gym in no time.”

“I can’t wait,” I replied.

My doctor did a quick check on me and felt my waist and hips. “Very nice,” she smiled, “I think you may need some smaller pants as well. Your waistband is barely hanging on.”

“I can’t wait for that, too!” I smiled shyly, feeling that glimmer of flirtation in her touch.

“Alright. Keep up the good work and let me know which facility you want to exercise in. I may be able to give a discounted membership.”

“Thank you so much! I will,” I replied.

I didn’t waste a moment of time. I found a facility that very afternoon and took a tour. It was very posh. A bit more than what I wanted to spend, but I really liked their amenities. They also had a sauna and yoga room. Two things I knew would help me maintain my weight.

I started going to the gym almost every day while still doing my backwards diet, and the results were magnificent! I felt better than I ever did in my life. None of my old clothes fit me any more. So, I had to get a whole new wardrobe. I went from a size 16 to a size 9 in just over a month. I was finally comfortable enough to wear dresses and skirts. If anything, they were a necessity. The summer sun was brutal in the South.

Then, the day finally came when I was ready to meet Alana. She and I were talking almost every day from the time I started my health routine, and she has coached me every step of the way. I set up a date with her to come see me over the weekend. I couldn’t prepare enough for what might happen.

Alana showed up that Saturday in the late afternoon. I saw a car outside my house and a driver opened the door. He handed this gorgeous woman a cane as she stepped out and took his hand. I stepped closer to see her. My mouth dropped in shock! Alana was blind.

About a million thoughts went through my mind as I walked her to the door. The irony of it all. The massive changes I made, thinking my appearance mattered so much. I felt like an idiot! But, I just smiled as I welcomed her in my home.

“I’m so glad to finally meet you,” I said warmly.

“I am too! I’ve wanted to for a long time. I’m a huge fan of your work.” She smiled and somehow knew where to sit.

I sat across from her and we were silent for a moment. I was thinking how incredibly beautiful she was and wondering if she’s ever been able to see herself.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” she said abruptly.

“Oh, sweetie, no!” I said softly, “You don’t have to apologize.”

“I was afraid that maybe you wouldn’t like me if you knew I couldn’t see.”

I laughed softly, “You have no idea how funny that is.”

I stood up and carefully sat down next to her. She turned to face me and held out her hands.

“May I?” She asked.

I leaned in and guided her fingers closer. I closed my eyes and let her feel my face and neck. Her touch was nervous at first, but gradually calmed. It was very soothing how she brushed my cheeks. The way she softly traced my brows as they moved.

“So, do you like what you see?” I asked jokingly.

“Yes, very much.” She said softly, “You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

I felt my chest getting warm at her sweet words. I opened my eyes and noticed her biting her lips. She was getting very turned on by just touching my face. So, I leaned in even closer and carefully pressed my lips to hers. Taking her hands in mine and guiding them around my neck. She moaned softly as we kissed in a slow sensual motion.

Her lips were incredibly soft. It felt like our lips were melting together in heat. A small tinder of lust simmered between us, growing into fervent passion.

“Do you want to go to my room?” I whispered.

She said yes in the sexiest way I’ve ever heard it spoken. I sat up and took her hand in mine. I walked carefully behind her with my lips close to her ear, telling her where to turn. Teasingly tracing her waist with my fingers as we walked down the hallway.

“I can’t wait to taste you,” I whispered softly in her ear.

I carefully unbuttoned her blouse and neatly draped it over the back of a chair. Then, helped her undress from the waist down. Every inch of her was so perfect. Her skin was like polished stone. Smooth and tanned. Her breasts hung deliciously as I took off her bra.

“Damn, you’re gorgeous.” I said softly.

Her pretty pink lips curved to a smile as I kissed them again. She lay back on the bed as I undressed her. She gave me a short moment before pulling me closer.

“Get over here,” she whispered, kissing me again.

I could already feel her wetness stamp my thigh as I slowly slid between her legs. Letting my breasts press over hers. Her silky skin warmed to my touch as I licked slowly down her neck. I gathered her voluptuous breasts in both hands and teased her nipples with my lips. Licking them softly, then sucking them hungrily, making her back arch in bliss.

I dragged the back of my tongue down the middle of her stomach, adding to her anticipation, as I carefully swooped my arms around her thighs. Lightly kissing her hips as she flexed. Her chest heaved rapidly as my lips met her pussy. She reached down to caress my face as I kissed her clit softly.

Her nectar was sweet and warm. I instantly hungered for more as I licked her deeper. I lapped up and down slowly, then circled her clit in smooth spirals. I moaned softly on her flesh as I sucked in that hard aching marble. Juggling it at various speeds, building her up for a long awaited release.

I waited until her hips were shaking. Her legs trembling over my arms. I reached across her pelvis and spread her lips wider, suctioning her clit between my lips. I let the weight of my face press on her pussy, making my tongue press her clit harder. I felt it throb as I slowly twisted my tongue over and under it.

Her breath hitched and halted in excitement. Her fingers combing frantically through my hair.

“Fuck…I’m coming!” She moaned sexily. “Please. Right there…Fuck!”

I stayed at that sweet spot that made her voice break. Her vulva was so hot and swollen, it felt like a fevered ring of flesh. I just kept sucking and licking her in the same languid pace until she abruptly exploded. My mouth watered as I tasted her pulses. Her pussy thumped in my mouth like a steady heart beat as she moaned achingly. There was a tightrope of tension between my legs, just tasting her pleasure.

I wanted more! I wanted to suck every beat out of her. I kissed her clit softly until it calmed, then slowly coaxed it again. This time, I slipped two fingers inside her and hooked them upwards. She gripped my hair tight as she rocked her hips up and down my face.

My tongue flickered faster, making her thighs shake wildly across my face. I fingered her harder as she followed my rhythm. She let go of my hair and arched her back, gripping the headboard above her head until her knuckles turned white. I pushed my fingers back and forth inside her, going faster as her walls tightened. Gently swiping the back of my tongue from side to side over her clit.

“Jesus! What are you doing to me?!” She moaned loudly.

“I want it again,” I whispered, “Come for me…”

I licked her pussy in light tickling circles, making her chase the sensation by lifting her hips. As her body rose off the bed, I held her tight as I fucked her deeper, feeling her juices pour down my hand, making loud wet squelching sounds.

The energy between us felt like a thick force of lust. Our attraction for each other, like a giant magnet. It’s been so long since I’ve been intimate with anyone. All that energy built up for so long was now radiating towards her.

“Fuuuuuuuuck….” she moaned again. Her voice rumbling to the force of my fingers.

I felt her taut walls squeeze my fingers tight as her clit thumped menacingly on my lips. I nearly came on the bed just tasting her. She got so instantly sensitive, she pushed my face away while covering her pussy. It was so cute!

“Are you running from me already?” I asked as I softly kissed her wrist.

“No,” she laughed, sitting up quickly. “I just want to pace myself.”

“Yes, of course. We can slow down if you like,” I replied.

We kissed again. Tenderly, so we could catch our breath. I liked it because I could really concentrate on the taste of her lips. The indescribable sweetness of them made me weak. So many thoughts raced through my head.

“What does it feel like for you?” I whispered as I kissed her face.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“Feeling pleasure when you can’t see anything…what’s that like?”

“It’s pretty hard to describe. I’d have to show you.” She smiled.

“How?” I asked.

She bit her lip again and reached behind me. I don’t know how she knew her blouse was there, but she just did. She carefully folded it like a bandanna and tied it around my head, covering my eyes.

“Alana…” I whispered.

“Hush,” she said softly as she pressed her fingers to my lips. “I want you to concentrate on my voice. My movements. Open your senses.”

“Okay,” I replied nervously.

“If you slow down and really pay attention, you realize you can see everything clearly…even when you can’t see anything at all.”

She moved closer and kissed my lips. Suddenly, my pitch black world came alive. I pictured her there. Her face, her lips, how her hair draped over her shoulder. The succulent scent of her skin amplified. The softness of her lips made me even weaker.

“Lie back for me,” she whispered seductively.

I felt her lips drag to my inner thigh and bite it softly. I felt my wetness leak to the sheets in anticipation. I pictured her between my legs with a look of seductive calculation. Figure out what my body wants without asking me. Owning me as she uncovers my secrets.

She kissed my pussy like she kissed the lips on my face. Yearning presses and gentle licks. Each touch, melting my insides like hot wax. Surprising my flesh by licking me in the same sweet spot one moment, then lightly spanking my clit the next.

She kept my already aching pussy at the brink of bursting. Every smooth lick inching me closer to insanity. My mind was forced to focus on the things she did to me. The sexy sounds she made. Her heat. The way her tongue knew exactly what my pussy wanted, even when I was fighting it.

My entire body shivered in delight as her suctions became even more accurate. She was hitting the sweetest spot on me that I’ve never even touched when I played with myself. Her fingers smoothly massaged my outer lips as she wiggled her tongue slowly up and down, between them.

I could do nothing but take it. I didn’t want to move until she was done with me. I was so deliciously helpless, my moans welded with cries of desperation. I reached that high hill of climax, right before an immense explosion and it stayed there. Her tongue swiveled and swirled around my clit in a magnificent languid rhythm until tears trickled to my eardrums.

At the very peak of my climax, she squeezed both her thumbs deep inside me as she sucked my flesh slowly from the bottom to the top. My body curled into her in shivers as I fucked her mouth hard. My pussy throbbed the hardest, just as her tongue curled up my clit.

I screamed before moaning again, feeling every cell in my body implode in ecstasy. I saw stars form behind that wet blindfold, like I was witnessing the rebirth of the universe.

“Mmmmhmmm…” she whispered sexily, “That’s it, baby. Be a good girl and come for me!”

Fuck! She just found my submissive trigger. The exact words to make me come again and again like the ‘good girl’ that I am.

“I’ll be a good girl,” I moaned softly, “Please, don’t stop! Please…”

Her thumbs inched in and out slowly as she sucked my clit harder, making me come back to back in moments. My mouth watered from the force of my orgasms. The intensity of it not even ebbing before flowing again.

It was a constant rupturing pleasure between my legs. When I thought I couldn’t take any more, she proved me wrong. Licking me senseless until I screamed once more.

I finally felt that aching sensitivity after my fourth explosion. I had to push her face away, just like she did to mine. I pulled her close and kissed her passionately. Dipping my fingers in her wetness to make her gasp. I hit the bull’s eye with my blindfold still on! And I wasn’t letting go until I felt those wrenching tremors at the tips of my fingers.

At that moment, I understood exactly what she meant by seeing everything clearly. A part of me that’s been dormant for years was now wide awake. My feeling of loss was the true illusion. All along, it was me who was blind because I didn’t see myself the way she saw me.

For once, I had no questions or doubts that I was capable of loving myself or another person. I knew my worth all along. Otherwise, I would have never worked for such a change. In the end, I did it for me. Alana was the bonus. Blind or not, she saw the good in me that was always there. If it was just for tonight or the rest of our lives, I was prepared to show her my love in return. With both eyes open.