What Rhymes with Porn?

There’s a place downtown
Where the freaks all come around
It’s a hole in the wall,
It’s a dirty free for all

There’s a place I know
If you’re looking for a show
Where they go hardcore
And there’s glitter on the floor

Kesha, “Take It Off”

***

“Bro?”

“Sup?”

Classic conversation.

“You got plans tomorrow?” Colin asks me.

“You tell me, I guess,” I shrug and continue scrolling through the Fender website. It’s been a while since I last bought a guitar…

“Yeah, there’s the Pornceptual party?” he says.

I nod without looking up from my phone. “Sure. Cool.”

Now, if you’re one to flinch at the word “porn”, you better stop reading now. It’s okay, no judgment. I used to be like that, too. What happened, you might want to ask?

Well… Berlin happened.

And my career in music.

My name is Neo and I’m a musician. Surprise. Fucking original, isn’t it?

I moved to Berlin nine months ago. Apparently that’s what you do if you want to be a rock star, because “if you don’t make it here, you won’t make it anywhere”. Hey – that’s what they said.

Turns out, they were right.

Trading my perfect suburban white picket fence family life for fornication, consciousness-altering substances, and a popular music genre traditionally centered on the amplified electric guitar – or, as some of you might know it, “sex, drugs, and rock ’n’ roll” – wasn’t all easy peasy lemon squeezy, but undoubtedly the best decision I could’ve made.

I mean, I get to write and play songs for a living, and fuck a couple of girls and do a couple of drugs on the side. The former I’m really proud of, and the latter… I’m 21, for fuck’s sake. Give me a break.

Colin played bass at a couple of my shows back in my earlier days, and that’s how we met. That was before he fucked my PR agent. Also known as Cathy’s boyfriend. He’s bisexual and taking advantage of it any chance he gets. Colin, that is. Turns out, so was Cathy’s now ex, only she didn’t know… until she did.

What can I say? Keeping secrets is a deal breaker.

Either way, I still got a friend out of it. A friend with some …

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