Inspired by real life events.
I’m excited. I’m very excited. Because of this feeling of doing something forbidden. I mean, you’d have to see what I was up to. But no. Nobody cares about me. Nobody stares at me or points their finger at me. And I’m about to do something very brave for me. All I care about tonight is myself, my desires and needs. Secretly. Taking a little time out from commitments and social norms. It’s all about me and my happiness. Big meaningful word. Happiness. But that’s it. I feel an obligation to myself to make sure that my soul cries less (and I the louder if things get good today…).
The waiter puts my order in front of me and I am glad to finally be able to take some of the drink. Greedily take a big sip. Perfect. It does me good. I smile. I feel like a teenager on a first date with the crush. Except in the 90s, you didn’t go straight to hotel bars to have a date. Well, I didn’t. That’s too bad. I think a little more excitement would do everyone good, man or woman. To dare something and then keep a secret or only share it with very special people creates an incredible space of inner freedom and connectedness. And this is something that really everyone can use more than well nowadays. I, for one, am very open to new experiences…
I’m going to have a look around the bar. The furnishing is modern, but very comfortable. There’s even something like a sunbathing lawn. How unusual. I’ve never seen this in Germany before and it simply speaks for the relaxed atmosphere of this city. I grin. But it still doesn’t work for me. I imagine myself sitting there, trying to impress you, but I can’t find any casual position to take my drink. Or maybe even in one careless move, tip it over for you or me. Having to pretend to listen to you but being permanently distracted in my thoughts because I wonder how all this might affect you. To pull in my stomach and look especially sexy and all this at the same time, well, it’s all too exhausting for me. I don’t date like that. That’s why I chose the big sofa and placed myself there. Strategically also great, because that way I can see when you arrive.
To calm down, I am watching how the light is refracted in the crystals of the otherwise very unadorned ceiling and then I feel my mobile vibrating in my lap.
“How do we greet each other?” you ask in the chat. And I answer in a flirtatious mood. “Well, on the mouth.” I’m totally nervous and at the same time I can’t wait to finally see you. We’ve only been in contact for a few weeks. Unbelievable all this. And all because of a year-old notepad.
I got it back by accident and immediately remembered the previous chat with you when I read your email address. It was years ago, and it was on my lunch break. I pretended to be a wicked secretary and you pretended to be an eloquent and sexy boss. I grin wider at the thought of the virtual role play. Absolute cliché and yet so hot. We had fun. We had a lot of fun. So much so that I got your email address from you for no reason, but never got back to you. I’m not even sure why. You made me so wet back then, and it was all through speech and your brain. It was probably too good. Our moments almost perfect. That’s the way it is in the virtual, and you want to take the magic out by dragging it into reality? Clearly not.
And now I listen to my gut feeling, my intuition and sit here. Only a few weeks after I wrote to you, out of a whim and curiosity – and now I’m seeing you in real life. You are in town on business and I will spend the night with you. That alone is totally crazy. You’re a stranger to me and I came all the way up here for you. But this feeling you give me, I can’t describe it, I can’t grasp it, I only know one thing. I want you to live. I’ll have another sip from the cocktail glass. “Babe, my heart is pounding off my chest.”
The fact that you admit that to me makes you extremely sexy to me. You surprise me with the way you look inside of me. Ever since the first moments after my first email. You are worldly, often detached and sometimes hard in your opinions, but then again you are so humorous and light, innocent and naive, like a schoolboy and just generally sweet. A good person. I felt comfortable with you right away, otherwise I would not do this. The initial emails quickly turned into chatting again and this was followed by phone calls. Now almost daily. And not just wicked. It was almost friendly. I know you just became a father. Happily married. The problems in your company. Know your fears… For me, that’s what really turns me on. Trust. This unique alliance. I know that others would have definitely cut off contact after the information about the ring and the baby, but it doesn’t matter to me right now. We’ve got a lot of other things going on right now. You do me so much good. Paying attention to me, listening to my conc…